whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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