You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
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Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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