I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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