Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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