Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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