I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize