Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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