the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize