i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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