apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize