my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
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The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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