We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize