Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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