I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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