when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize