You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize