I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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