I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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