i think my mom watched the whole time
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
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I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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