it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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