woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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