I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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