after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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