Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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