So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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