Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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