He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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