Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize