sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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