Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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