She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize