bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize