Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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