we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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