at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Damn victory sex feels great
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize