and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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