If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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