you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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