Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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