I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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