dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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