my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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