So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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