i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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