Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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