I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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