I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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