I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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