he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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