If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize