i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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